Hello from wherever you are and thank you for taking the time to indulge me, by reading something that I truely hope will help you. From a girl trying to be a better version of herself, here goes nothing...
Here's me, 25 years old, I've been working as a Strength & Powerlifting Coach for the past 5 years (3 of which spent running my own business). I've built great relationships with people and have had success along the way. I know I'm great at what I do and I can help many people, but in all honestly I haven't opened myself up to enough opportunities. With the use of social media I'm lucky enough to be able to connect with and influence many people online. With this, comes the opportunity to share so much. If you look at my Instagram page you'll see lots of my training & technique tips. I post these frequently as 1. this comes easily to me, and 2. I want to share my knowledge with others. I've occasionally shared my views on body image and self love as again, these are important to me, and I want to use my own experiences and lessons learnt to help others. However, there have been many other occasions where I've wanted to talk about mental & emotional health but just haven't been brave enough to do so. I've had great ideas about something but have let my brain trick me into thinking I couldn't share them. Actually at this very moment, whilst I'm writing this, my brain is telling me the following:
"Emma, who do you think you are? People aren't going to want advice from you, you're not a life coach, stick to lifting"
"You've barely got your shit together, why do you think you're capable of telling other people how to think"
"No one is going to read this anyway"
"You're going to look awkward and embarrass yourself"
"Just delete this and forget it"
These thoughts are the exact reasons why I need to keep writing - to prove to myself that I can overcome them and in doing so help someone else. Hopefully that someone is you. How many times have you had similar thoughts when something 'scary' has presented itself in your life? The answer is probably too often to count. In fact, unless we've practiced mindfulness we probably aren't even aware that these thoughts are entering our head. They're just background noise that's stopping us from doing and achieving things in life. I was watching a brilliant interview with Dr. Michael Gervais on Impact Theory (link here) about why this happens. He explains that we have ancient brains that are working in modern times. Our ancient brains are designed for survival. They're designed to figure out if we're safe. This was needed when we had to watch out for saber-toothed tigers (for example) or any number of threats in ancient times. We had to figure out how to be hyper vigilant so we could get away. This mechanism has been passed down through the ages, except now we don't have saber-toothed tigers to be worried about, so we focus our attention on a different threat - a modern day threat.
And that is FOPO: Fear Of other People's Opinions.
Yes, we care so much about what other people think that it's become a protective mechanism in our brains. How do we protect ourselves from this modern day threat? We become hyper critical of ourselves and judge ourselves first, before someone else can potentially get to that stage and embarrass us. You know the thoughts:
"I can't wear that! Too much of my legs are showing and they're way too big"
"Don't talk about that idea, so-and-so will laugh at you for it. It's probably stupid anyway"
"I can't start training at that gym. I'm so weak, everyone will judge me"
"I really should stick up for that person right now, but that'll cause more conflict. I just won't say anything"
Our brain is literally designed to protect us, and it will continue to do so. The keys to overcoming this and taking control of our brain, are understanding and awareness. We need to 1. understand what our brain is doing (protecting us from threats) and 2. be self aware of when it's happening. Dr. Gervais says our job is to "love others but not give a shit about what they think". When we hear the noise of our brain telling us to pull back, we need to decide to take control of it, actually use the thinking part of our brain (not the fight or flight mechanism) and chose to do it anyway.
I'm learning to take control of my brain. I'm still a beginner! But like anything, we have to start somewhere. I hope by putting this out there to be read, dissected or judged (as my brain is telling me right now) it inspires you to do so something 'scary' in your own life. If one person uses this to better themselves I know it will have been worth it.
Be brave in the face of your modern day fears.
Thanks for reading xx
Comments